A Correspondence

So, I've been talking with the blogger I talked about in a previous post. This, combined with some academic work I've been looking through, is giving me some more confidence in my topic. Here are parts of some emails I've been sending and receiving:

Bridget,

We haven't met yet because I'm new in the ward, but I heard you talking about your abuse seminar in Relief Society. Since then I've read pretty much all of your blog. This may sound odd, but I was really interested in what you had to say because of a Shakespeare class I'm in right now.

I'm writing a paper about abuse, but looking at it by applying Shakespearean examples. I don't know what your literature background is, but I'd really like your input on some of the modern-day applications. For example, The Merchant of Venice features some characters that go through cycles of abuse. Antonio abuses Shylock, who then turns around and abuses him. Justice doesn't really end up serving anyone. So, how have you seen this in relationships? I know many times the victim starts to have an obsession about their abuser and just can't let things go. Any insights you have would be really appreciated.

Thanks,
Kayla Walke

Hey Kayla!

Thanks for your message. Well, I'm not really sure what you're asking in relation to the Shakespeare example. I'm not very familiar with the story line of the Merchant of Venice. There's one thing I would like to add to one of your statements though. You wrote that many victims start to have an "obsession" with their abuser. With my own experience and having heard many others, I would change the word "obsessed" to the word "dependent". Abusers most often thrive on becoming the dominant partner, and they keep their victims close to them by keeping the victims dependent on them. The main component that keeps victims attached to their abusers (even after the relationship ends) is the emotional abuse. Emotional abuse leaves scars that can take years to heal, and many times victims can't let go of the past/abuser because of the mental manipulation used by abusers.

If you'd like more information, let me know and I'd be more than happy to answer any of your questions.

~Bridget

Bridget,

Thanks for responding so quickly. I have a few more questions, so I hope you’ll be patient with me. I noticed in one of your posts about forgiveness that you put a warning at the top that you shouldn’t read this if you were still in an abusive relationship. That made me think: what would you describe as the process of removing yourself from this kind of relationship? When should you start trying to forgive someone? How do you forgive them without starting to want to be near them again? It seems like the easiest way to stay away is to harbor bad feelings about the person, but this probably isn’t the most healthy state of mind to be in.

Thanks,

Kayla

So we'll see what more information I can get!